Watch: Eagles fans are 'unhinged' for 2024 schedule release

If nothing else, Philadelphia scores points for self awareness here. Philly fans know their reputation. Why not lean into it with a little psychiatric testing under team auspices? In case you missed it (or were afraid to look), here’s a quick recap:

Week 1 | vs. Green Bay: Did this lady steal Jason Kelce’s hat? Good luck getting that thing through customs. Don’t forget, the game is in Sao Paulo Brazil, the first of five international NFL games in 2024 

Week 2 | vs. Atlanta: What self-respecting Eagles fan doesn’t wear shoulder pads…to a psychiatrist’s office? Was the Falcons selection of Michael Penix bad for Kirk Cousins mental health? Philly fans will find out when he visits Lincoln Financial Field on September 16.

Week 3 | at New Orleans: Again, Who dat that wouldn’t wear shoulder pads to see doctor?

Week 4 | at Tampa Bay: Philadelphia lost to the Buccaneers 32-9 in last year’s wild-card game. Tampa QB Baker Mayfield threw for three touchdowns while the Eagles offense managed three first-downs all day.

Week 6 | vs. Cleveland: Don’t worry kid, nobody likes the Browns helmets. 

Week 7 | at New York Giants: Let Saquon (Barkley) pull a hamstring, then see who’s mad. It won’t be Kenny Gainwell. Barkley has missed 25 of a possible 83 regular season games since joining the league as the second-overall pick in the 2018 NFL Draft.

Week 8 | at Cincinnati: Are we sure the NFL is alright with spanking? Sounds like unnecessary roughness. Besides, Bengals QB Joe Burrow is still recovering from a wrist injury

Week 9 | vs. Jacksonville: According to answers.com, 17 states have a town called Jacksonville. Eagles fans should know it. They lost Super Bowl XXXIX in Jacksonville, Florida.

Week 10 | at Dallas: Santa should be safe from snowballs in Dallas but quarterback Dak Prescott and head coach Mike McCarthy could be on shaky ground against their division rival. Neither are signed beyond 2024

Week 11 | vs. Commanders: His name is Shawn Young and he knows tacos like Commanders head coach Dan Quinn knows defense. Quinn oversaw the “Legion of Boom” as a defensive coordinator in Seattle and did the same for the Cowboys from 2021-23.

Week 12 | at Los Angeles Rams: Who thought Santa was sober?

Week 13 | at Baltimore: Actually, Baltimore’s Inner Harbor is great. So is quarterback Lamar Jackson, who the Ravens drafted with a first-round pick (32) that originally belonged to Philadelphia.

Week 14 | vs. Carolina: Has anyone ever heard Sir Purr?

Week 15 | vs. Pittsburgh: This lady obviously never heard about the 1943 Steagles and backup quarterback Kenny Pickett would love to steal a few snaps against his old team next December.

Week 16 | at Washington: Careful, Philadelphia made good use out of an in-house jail in their old stadium. 

Week 17 | vs. Dallas: It’s good to see Gardner Minshew still keeps in touch with his old team. Minshew couldn’t beat the Cowboys in his only year with the Eagles but Jalen Hurts will look to improve on his 3-3 record against Dallas

Week 18 | vs. New York Giants: Alright, this bit made no sense but by early January, this game could be meaningless.

Again, kudos to the Philadelphia Eagles and their wonderful fans for their light-hearted celebration of the upcoming season.